I won't say much, just read and think...
Life is SuchShould I laugh, or cry?
Should I crawl, or fly?
Should I Run, or Glide?
Am I mortified, or full of pride?
Should I be feeling empty, or content?
Is the sky blue, or gray?
Are the birds chanting, or they pretend?
Should I mourn, and just pray?
I call for the answers, do I?
Am I a follower, am I alive?
Have I lost my soul, have I died?
Lord! Let me die, but let the peace thrive.
Hollowed dreams, Oceans are red
Lives broken, they have no bread
Why can’t I see? why?
Let me die, Let me die!
I can’t laugh, I can’t cry
© rahul
Editor(s) - praveer & rahul
Chaat Vaat Khaalo..!! Creative House
11.02.2009
Image -
Editor(s) - praveer & rahul
Chaat Vaat Khaalo..!! Creative House
11.02.2009
Image -
http://www.wisenaturephotos.com/images/Eagles/JUVENILE%20BALD%20EAGLE%20IN%20FLIGHT.jpg
10 comments:
Again, punctuations are incorrect. The third line... errm... I am not quite sure of it. The eighth line disconnects the flow. The fifth line makes the reader doubt the writer's thoughts which are till then considered noble. Further, intensify the twelfth line to sort it out.
"Red" and "Bread" - intentional?! Still, acceptable.
The thirteenth and fifteenth line confuse the expression. You have seen all of it, right? Then, why are you expressing the opposite of not having seen it.
The last line seems like "a quick ending" - an abrupt enforced one.
Good thought though!!!
Well about 13th and 14th line, Yes he has seen it all.
The actual thought was though he can see it, yet not doing anything. People see everything but do nothing.
Maybe,I failed to express it correctly.
Thank you for the read brother..
Umm, I get your point. Still, I reckon you could express it in a better way. As always, you come out with a good thought.
Haha.. You always reckon
Kidding
Sorry mate. I say so as I see a scope for improvement. If you are offended, then I shall appreciate it without actually meaning it.
I have studied genres Rahul and even have written for many bands around. So, I know what I am talking about. Don't take this as a boasted statement. But, I believe you can do so much better. Hence, I give you suggestions.
If it is not needed or offensive, let me know. I shall try to be blunt next time.
Sorry again.
No brother, I am not offended at all. You took me wrong. Sorry if it hurt you.
It was meant in a funny way. Keep reviewing my works as you always do.
Fair enough. I participated in the vote system on your blog - KEEP THEM COMING!!!
Have a read of my latest. Well, I posted it now. But, it is an old one.
Hi Rahul,
Nice to discover your blog. A nice song. I shall visit your other posts. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
@ Khaled KEM
Thank you for supporting my blog
I shall be a regular to your blog
Nice one! Read better from you!
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